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See you later turned into 14 months…but it was still a see you later. I have been back in Auroville a week now and it is a strange mix of feeling completely familiar and at the same time I am still in awe that I am actually here. So much of the past year I spent dreaming and talking about India and Auroville. Today after a long day at Aikiyam when I drove my moped to Por Tous to buy groceries, as I passed the temple and rode over the rust red dirt, past the flowers and the gray blue sky I couldn’t help but think how magical it can feel at times here, how much I love it. I do love it. Although it has been an emotional roller coaster coming back- and coming back alone while Galen, Deborah, my family and friends are all back in the United States, I feel again the sense that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I feel so peaceful listening to the birds, playing with the 3-year-olds in the creche who speak to me in Tamil and don’t worry that I respond in English, teaching the 4th std poetry again, drinking sugary chai and sharing rice, sambar, dahl and curd at lunch time with the kindergarten teachers. I have written a lot in emails to people and I am finally able to begin this blog again, so here are some excerpts from the first week back in Auroville:

Wednesday, July 6th arrived at 1:00 am

Dear Family, I’m here!!! 31 hours of traveling later I am in our old
room in Auroville and completely flooded with emotions. I know that I
am exhausted and need sleep but I also need a little time to look
around with amazement and process that I am really back in India. The
strangest thing may be how normal it all feels. Getting off in the
Chennai airport I looked around and just the smell of the air
triggered a million memories from last year of Galen and I in big
Indian cities. I found my taxi driver easily- he looked vaguely
familiar (might have been one of my drivers last year from Yoga
Travel) spoke little English but was very sweet and his driving was
only mildy crazy. By the way I noticed a sign while we kwere driving
tonight that made me laugh- it said, “Don’t Over Speed.” I just
thought to myself- so its ok to speed but don’t “over” speed! Tixon
was here to greet me as soon as I arrived with a huge hug and
everything looks so familiar and lovely. The christmas decorations we
hung up a year and a half ago are still decorating our door way. The
clothesline that we hung up in monsoon season is still strung across
the room. There are a few differences- a gate on our stair case (which
I am quite happy about as it means no stray dogs lounging on the
patio) new mirrors and a shelf (wow!) in the bathroom…but other than
that the room, the muggy warm heat, the buzz of the animals in the
trees is all so familiar and homey. (Huge flying ants even began
attacking me as soon as I went to the bathroom- always a bug problem
here!) My only worry right now is that this was such a special place
for Galen and I that I wonder if I was right to return without him? It
just feels so odd to not have him experiencing this return with me. My
need and desire to come back over rode his not being able to come with
me and ultimately I hope that this is ok. I hope that we will come
back again, together, or he will come alone at some point, because
being here, I already remember why we loved it so much.

Well it is about 1 am in India right now and I should probably try
and start acclimating myself to the time here by going to bed. I have
some kids to see in the morning.

Thursday July 6, 2011 First day back in Auroville complete!

I am sitting in the boarding house helping Nirmal (the now 11 year old!) write numbers in
expanded form. The fan is wirling overhead, the frogs are croaking and
Auro who is now 2.5 is chattering away in the background with his
Papa, Ramalingum. Auro knows how to say three words in English “Hi”
“Meghan” and “Galen” which he says whenever he sees me (I think he is
well trained- those are really the most important words to learn after
all!) Hopefully I will be able to teach him a little more in the next
few weeks! This has been an intense day. INTENSE. I woke up at 6 am
totally confused about the time and after getting dressed wandered
outside where I found Manjula. She immediately invited me in for tea
and I sipped tea quietly with her Janaki and looked around the room
noticing the subtle changes that have occurred in the last year. Soon
Vanitha came out and Nirmal and Parasu appeared. The children were shy
around me- much to my dismay! They read their comic books quietly
while Vanitha and I chatted animatedly. Vanitha was just as warm and
friendly and excited to have me around as when I left! She and I have
always had a lot to discuss as we are both women in our late 20′s,
teachers, in serious relationships…it often seems as if the
difference of growing up on opposite sides of the world and in
distinctly different cultures doesn’t matter- we seem to have so much
in common- things that we feel just by being women. Vanitha is
recently married (to Tixon) and so we talked a lot about weddings,
marriage and relationships of course! Then Tixon came in and Vanitha
left for work. Tixon and I animatedly chatted for an even longer time
as he caught me up on all the news about the house and the kids, and
pulled out his two large wedding albums to display all the photos.
After this I headed off to the school. I was greeted immediately with
lots of enthusiasm by Shankar who jumped right into telling me all the
triumphs and tribulations of Aikiyam at the present. The rest of the
morning was filled with seeing the teachers and the students. My old
class did run up to me mob style and wouldn’t let me go at snack time,
and many of the teachers gave me such large warm hugs! Nava was
practically in tears.

Everyone remembered me as I continued to get my Indian life in order-
from Parvati at the bike shop where I rented my moped, to the woman
who sold me an avacado at the fruit stand! I talkd a lot and
everyone’s first words were “where is Galen?” or “how is your
husband?” or “how is the Galen?” (this coming from some kids, making
Galen seem like strange exotic bird, or a character from a dr. Seuss
book). The second question was “how is your mother?” or “And Deborah?”
or they went to an endless stream of praise for Deborah’s work here
last year. My heart both overflowed with love for this place and the
people, and at the same time seemed to contract in fear a little from
all the things that I feel are daunting to me. These things are: how
am I going to do what I said I would do and live up to the
expectations of Shankar and the staff in only 6 weeks? How am I going
to regain my sense of belonging and comfort here in such a short time?
Am I going to be lonely? I talked very briefly with Deborah this
morning and she has reassured me that once I settle into a routine and
accept this as a new experience, life will get easier. I am placing my
faith on that and just trying to take one step at a time- actually I
am very happy with the several steps that I took today: registered at
Auroville and received my guest card. Rented a moped. Drove to the
ICICICIC…bank. Paid for my taxi from last night. Purchased an
avacado and my favorite Auroville made snack – ladus (or “balls” as
Galen refers to them.)

OK- had to stop writing for a tasty dinner of sambar, rice, hard
boiled egg and cabbage salad. Now I am too tired to keep writing. I
was nodding off while Geetha read Physics to me, so I think its time
to shut down for the night.

The boys at Roy's climbing the palm trees to shake down some coconuts!

 

Parasu and Nirmalraj on the beach on Sunday!

Monday July 10, 2011

Hi beloved friends and family,
Just got home after a very full day at the school. I had a
wonderful day though- reading, singing and observing with the
kindergarten classes, teaching 4th grade English, having curriculum
meetings with 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade teachers, preparing for my first
workshop…but most of all I got to talk and laugh and be very joyful
and honest with all the teachers and kids here. The sun was bright, I
wore my pink “Barbie” sari which some children from my class gave to
me last time as a birthday gift, and I had jasmine flowers in my hair.
I feel like I am really settling in and I feel comfortable and a part
of everything again. I cannot believe how open to me all the teachers
are- perhaps even more so then the last time I was here. They ask me
questions, for advice, and helped me wrap my sari!

Children from my 4th std English class!

I am tired of course, but doing well and planning on going to
pilates class this evening before hanging out with the kids at the
boarding house, eating (more) rice and sambar and then curling up in
my room to read Twighlight and think of all of you that I love and are
far away. You are all in my thoughts constantly and you are here with
me on this journey, especially Galen and Deborah whom everyone asks
about and loves and misses almost as much as I miss them. Today one of
the ammas (the cooks at the school) stopped my friend Selvaraj to ask
him to translate for her to me that she thought I looked perfect in my
sari and she wants to know when I will be married. Selva laughed and
told her that we will be married soon, and then he added, “to Galen
who is a great man. Meghan is very lucky.” I had to agree.

Tuesday July 12, 2011

I do feel like I am settling in here. In fact, in a way I have felt
settled from the beginning as everything felt so familiar. However I
am settling into being here without you, without Janina, and without a
community of volunteers. That has been the biggest difference I
think…on the other hand I feel that I will become much more
connected with the Tamil teachers. I eat snack and lunch with them
every day. I met Mala for pilates on Monday and swimming on Tuesday.
The creche and kindergarten teachers seem really happy to have me
here. In some ways it is eery how the plan that I set for for the FWE
grant is falling into place. It almost feels as if they were just
waiting to have me here to do all the things that I said I would do
with them. The creche and kindergarten teachers asked to have a
meeting with me to brainstorm all the activities that they do. Selva
and Shanti asked me to meet with them and when I did they immediately
expressed their interest in combining to have a choice time together.
Of course, I do doubt if I am actually doing that much here, I think
in many ways I am simply a documenter and a facilitator, writing down
all the ideas that the teachers have and asking questions- they seem
to already know what to do and have the answers inside of them. As
well the children make me incredibly happy. Yesterday morning I was
feeling grumpy and tired and emotionally drained. I spent the morning
however with the creche children for whom this is the first week in
school. Usha’s assistant (Manju- married to Ramkumar) was out so I
went to help her as managing 21 2-3 year olds is an immense task.
They made me so happy! One little girl who would not stop crying
latched onto me and would only smile when I showed her pictures on the
cell phone. She started following me everywhere. Another little girl
named “Camally” chattered away with me in Tamil, showing how she could
fill up a bucket with sand and carry it around. It certainly
brightened my day to work with them.

A child in the Creche (2 and 3 year-olds) drawing!

And of course there are the kids at Roy’s Boarding House where I live when I am in India.                                                                              As my father said, I think my daily interactions with them are less important that the fact that
I came back for them. And that each night I am consistently there
asking how their days went, talking, reading etc with them. Geetha has
warmed up to me again and we re-established our girl bond which I
love. Dhinagar in some ways needs my attention more than the rest of
the boys, although Parasu and Nirmal eat up any attention I can give
them. (PArasu started rattling off facts at me last night when it was
just the two of us sitting at the table, “Do you know the name of the
smallest tree in the world Meghan?”) Vanitha is very loving and
almost protective of me- always checking in. And Tixon of course
continues to be the most friendly, generous man. Tixon and I have had a
lot of time to talk and laugh. With him, Vanitha and
Slevaraj  I feel that I have a good group of friends that I can ask
favors of and will help me if I ever need anything.

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